Stories on set: An unexpected insight into classic tales. E3

If I have to walk up this damn hill once more I’m going to scream!

Light exercise the brief said. No mention of trudging up a hill for the 64th time in uncomfortable shoes and then cheese rolling down after that up himself prick. Okay it’s called Jack and Jill but that doesn’t make him superior. He’s acting like he’s star of the show! You might have a crown but it doesn’t make you King. You FELL down. You BROKE your crown.  You are a liability. I’m just the mug who has to keep tumbling after you to pick up the pieces.  I’ve got mud in places I didn’t know mud could get. I could compete with a reveler who’d spent the week at Glastonbury. At least they have fun. I’d do anything for a drink right now. My face hurts. I think I hit a tree root on the last roll. That’s not going to look great for my casting on Thursday.  Reminds me I still need to find a sheep. Can’t lose one if I haven’t even found one in the first place.  I bet they make me where a bonnet.

Anyway why did they have to go all the way up the hill. Water surely is more abundant at the bottom of a hill. Why would you put a well at the top of a hill? That just means boring a longer hole. No sense these stories.  At least we are only shooting the first scene, otherwise we’d also have to contend with the smell of vinegar and brown paper.

Look at him.  Flirting with the director’s assistant again. Frustratingly he does still look good even in that weird lederhosen type get up. I bet the original Jack was irritating too, that’s probably why he fell down the hill. I bet she pushed him. Bet he was boasting all the way up the hill about how he could carry more water or get up the hill faster. By the time they got to the top she was seething, blood boiling, it was more than likely push him or stab him with the pitch fork once they’d trotted off home.

Maybe they fought at the top. Wouldn’t be able to see from down here with that well in the way. Probably only came tumbling down after to make it look less obvious.

“TAKE 65!”


Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water.

Jack acted like an arrogant twat.

Jill refused to stand for that.

A fight ensued that was brutal, bloody, muddy and truly vicious

She saw her chance and gave him a shove

and came tumbling after to make it look less suspicious.



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