A caravan of camels and a collective bunch of bonkers.

A group of geese can be called a flock gaggle or herd,

But there are many groups of animals called something rather more absurd.

Open suspicious packages cautiously, it may be a parcel of pigs.

A band of gorillas are touring, festivals and gigs.

I suspect a roll of armadillos might not be the lunch you chose.

Beware the siege of the bitterns! What on earth is one of those?

Don’t try to have a conversation amongst a chattering of chicks.

Beware of a prickle of porcupine, they have sharp little pricks.


Let’s hope a coalition of cheetahs, doesn’t win the next election;

Like a muddle of guinea pigs, they will surely lack direction.

Our country could be run instead by a parliament of owls,

With the effectiveness no doubt of a confusion of guinea fowl.

If we don’t want chaos, give a pandemonium of parrots a wide berth,

Up may rise a movement of moles, who knows what that may unearth.

We could of course plot their demise with a fall of lambs.

Otherwise we will have to face facts and lie in our bed of clams.


If you want to make a gesture, here’s my advice,

Present a bouquet of pheasants, that would be nice.

Or throw out a compliment, here’s one I overheard,

“You look as magnificent as, a loveliness of ladybirds.”

If jewellery is her preference, perhaps try a chain of bobolinks,

Or a fine string of ponies, would be better methinks.

Present your gift beautifully, wrapped in a pack of dogs,

Tie it with a ribbon, use a simple knot of frogs.


If the relationship progresses, and results in hats and frocks,

You could be wed before a congregation of crocs.

Honeymoons or holidays? Perhaps a journey of giraffes?

If you meet a cackle of hyenas, try not to make them laugh.

Perhaps pay attention to trip advisor advice,

Don’t find yourself neighbouring a loud mischief of mice.

If you are heading off camping, consider options please,

Sharing a caravan of camels may be a too tight squeeze.


Overindulge and like hippopotami you will feel the bloat.

Look out for the raft of auks, when on a lilo or a boat.

Stand out on the beach, be stylish and cool,

Channel a flamboyance of flamingos, when you strut around the pool.

Let’s hope the sun shines, that it’s not shadowed by a cloud of gnats;

Or that there’s no interruption, by a destruction of feral cats.

Reading on the beach? A kindle of kittens would be novel.

Careful with your spade, a cast of crabs could be rehearsing in a hovel.


Festivals your preference? Did I mention the gorillas have formed a band?

Watch for the ambush of tigers, they can be a crazy fan.

Or perhaps a rhumba of rattlesnakes is more to your taste,

But don’t go for a litter of bunnies that would be a waste.

A ballet of swans, if you fancy a dance act.

Muddy puddles of platypuses an unavoidable festival fact.

If you see a cartload of chimps acting like loons,

Give them a look as disapproving as the harsh gaze of the raccoons.


If you live in a dream world a blessing of unicorns might be what you seek;

Expect a reality check with a slap of jellyfish across your cheek.

Need a morning cuppa? Empty the Hawks out your kettle first;

Although a gulp of cormorants may better quench your thirst.

How about a crossing of zebras on a zebra crossing?

Or an intrusion of cockroaches while in the bathroom flossing.

If you think all this is crazy as I surely do,

Have a chat about it with an implausibility of gnus.


Because a shrewdness of apes, I’m sure no doubt would question,

Whether a troubling of goldfish, might make a new suggestion.

The wisdom of the wombats might need to be sought

An army of caterpillars can’t be bribed or bought.

Never ask a muddle of guinea pigs for direction or information

As for a flange of baboons, lets call them a congregation!

And when you look back, on all the bonkers fun you’ve had.

A memory of elephants wouldn’t be bad.


5 Comments Add yours

  1. Brilliant! I must admit I’m rather intrigued by the collective terms for animals. I read recently that it’s – an embarrassment of Pandas! Bonkers, shouldn’t it be a cuddle or gorgeousness of pandas? Fab poem #prose4thought

    Liked by 1 person

  2. fairyqueen says:

    Oh my goodness, this is brilliant!! Absolutely wonderful piece of writing. My favourite line….“You look as magnificent as, a loveliness of ladybirds.”
    Mainy – myrealfairy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Yes need to throw that one out at some point into everyday conversation!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is an utterly outstanding piece of writing! I absolutely LOVE it. I am making it my favourite in the BritMums round-up! Thank you so much for linking to Prose for Thought x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah thank you so much Victoria. Thanks for the forum to share.


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