We are sorry for the delay to this service; we are sorry your train is late!
Did you expect to spend thousands of pounds a year and receive a service that’s great??
We are sorry for the delays to your journey, once more and yet again;
In the meantime would you be happy to fill in this customer satisfaction survey and rate us out of 10?
We are sorry that turning up late again may cause your boss to go beserk,
But we are afraid to tell you, our train crew just failed to turn up to work.
We are sorry your train is tardy but there was a wet leaf upon the track.
Autumn took us completely by surprise this year, who knew that annually it came back?
We are sorry that you are late home for dinner for the third time already this week;
The doors are jammed, and the toilet, in carriage B, appears to have sprung a leak.
We are sorry to inform you, that there is a 15 minute delay to your train,
Embarrassingingly it seems our service just doesn’t function well in rain.
We are sorry for the disruption to your journey the track is blocked by a tree.
We are afraid the sun’s too bright, and it’s making it difficult for the driver to see.
We are sorry you are left shivering on the platform, trembling in your shoes,
But there is a cow on the line, we asked it it to move but it continues to refuse.
An over head line came down, there was a landslide, a train has been forced to turn back,
A train has hit a bridge, resulting in congestion on the track.
I know it’s quite unhelpful, but our drivers have gone on strike;
If I were you I’d either go home or get yourself a bike.
The points have frozen, there’s a blizzard and it’s the wrong kind of snow.
Fingers crossed it doesn’t settle then hopefully we will be able to go.
A freight train has broken down, a trespasser has come to harm;
Someone is feeling unwell and has raised the passenger alarm.
Due to inclement weather we are afraid that we are experiencing cancellations,
We realise it only a brief rain shower but we aren’t set up for it at this station.
We are pulling this train out of service so everyone needs to get off, please mind the gap.
We hope being stranded in the middle of nowhere isn’t a too inconvenient mishap.
We wanted to have a game of sardines so we put on just 4 coaches let the fun begin.
It means that we are experiencing delays as everyone tries to cram themselves in.
We are sorry that we haven’t moved for 10 mins, but there is a queue in front on the track.
The driver popped out for a coffee and we are all just waiting for him to come back.
Sorry you have been delayed for over 30 mins, please feel free to apply for compensation,
All you need to do is pick up a form if we EVER get back to your station.
Our infrastructure has fallen apart, we are genuinely sorry from the bottom of the conductors heart.
We will be sure to let you know if your journey is able to start
There aren’t any excuses left in my handbook, I’m at a loss for what to say,
If you make it to your destination please take all your belongings and have a lovely day!