The Aftermath

It’s been a long, long day there’s a pounding in my head,  My body’s screaming tired, pleading for my bed. Around me there is chaos, washing and abandoned socks; A collection of stuffed animals, Badger, Bunny, Hippo, Fox. An online shop, appointments, bills needing to be paid. A “To Do” list that grows out of…

Looking in

I notice you when you’re drunk, partying with friends, I learn how your evening starts and how your evening ends.  I see you by the beach, looking great in a bikini, Jealous of your body, safe in the knowledge you”ll never see me.  I watch you in a restaurant, I study what you eat,  Drinking…

The pig that wasn’t meant to be big! 

Last week I read a great story in the Guardian about an unexpectedly large pig. If you want to read the original click here. If alternatively you’d like to read it rewritten in rhyme keep reading.  One day I decided to get us a pig,  It was supposed to stay small and never get big.  “A…

Commuter Arse

If you were expecting to read an ode on a pert, pretty behind; I’m afraid that’s not exactly what I have in mind.  This is a tale that is not for the faint hearted. It’s about my disgust when somebody farted. My Monday began on a rather packed train. It seems one fellow passenger was…

15 additional uses for washing up liquid. 

Yes honestly this week’s  post is that dull. I realised I hadn’t written anything in a while so I decided to write about the first thing I saw in my Facebook feed for inspiration. Unfortuntely it was this.  Dish soap is not just for dishes (who knew?)  As I pondered on the topic of a…

A caravan of camels and a collective bunch of bonkers.

A group of geese can be called a flock gaggle or herd, But there are many groups of animals called something rather more absurd. Open suspicious packages cautiously, it may be a parcel of pigs. A band of gorillas are touring, festivals and gigs. I suspect a roll of armadillos might not be the lunch…

Always time for Prosecco

  I drink it when I’m happy, I drink it when I’m sad. When I’ve had a bad week it’s the best drink I’ve ever had. Perfect for an impromptu toast or to wish the week away. The perfect picnic companion on a sunny summer’s day. When I’m out with friends, with the gossip in overdrive, The…

I have a little sidekick . . . 

I have a little sidekick, she accompanies me everywhere; The shops, the cafe, the bathroom, she watches me wash my hair. If I eat she wants it, she will not hesitate to rob, Snatching swiftly from my hand and stuffing it in her gob. She leans in with interest, when I put on make up or…

My Month of March

My body was suffering,  feeling tired, haggard and old, I still couldn’t shift the curse of DiCaprio cold. I had issues with tissues, there was four weeks of snot, In bed there was night sweats, first freezing, then hot. When it felt that the sinus pain, might just recede, Aggressive nose blowing, meant a nasty nose bleed. But finally the fog…

The Lady with the Dragon Umbrella

There’s a woman on my platform, a commuter like you and me, But there’s something a little different about her, why don’t you look and see.  She’s dressed in her smart work suit, an expensive handbag by her side,  Waiting seriously and patiently, for her London Midland ride.  But the reason she has caught my…

Farewell to my cleavage 

   This week I have been surrounded by boobs, tits and cleavage. From talk of an ex colleague shaking her ample assets as a burlesque dancer, Belinda’s plunging pair, gagging to escape, in “My Dad Wrote a Porno”, (that many people keep mentioning it, I thought I’d give it a go,) to the incredible beach…

What people fail to mention about a new baby . . . (In rhyme)

High on hundreds & thousands, embarrassed by the amount of toys in our playroom and hoping I don’t have to go near a cake pop for quite some time, I have finally come out of the fog of Christmas, a 1st and 4th birthday, and numerous party celebrations. Yes two kids born in Jan was…